A Wallflower's Redemption ?
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Today I decided to start blogging. This was a big decision for me, this is a committment.
I have always loved to write, and what's not better to write about than something that you, and you alone know better than anybody else on this earth? YOURSELF !
I know what you're thinking....
'Oh jeez, another girl writing her life story'
BUT,
yes- that is a BIG but.
Anyways,
BUT this story is different.
This is a story of transformation. This is a story of a rebirth, I almost feel as if I have been reincarnated AND I was even blessed enough to skip the 'death' step.
YES ! YES, I have experienced a metamorphis, if you will.
NOW I know what you're thinking again,
'This girl is a Religious NUT"
No, No, No ...
Thinking that would be a complete dismissial of everything I have said.
This story is about a girl. That girl is me, and the story is mine.
Marissa, an 18 year old; diagnosed as bi-polar, has recently entered a new phase in her life, a healthier & more stabilzed way of living.
This blog will include many, very personal details. I will address the horrors that I have faced in the past 18 years, and the daily struggles I encounter when faced with discovering a brand new personality. As an extrovert in my past, I deal with becoming more of an introvert. I am also tackling the obstacles life confronts me with in a much more mature, wise & experienced manner.
An introduction for you, to explain the topics that I will discuss in the future.
Self-harm: Cutting, burning, etc. And the times I went too far.
Abuse: The tell-all memoirs; situations I have endured, and learned from
Hospitalizations: Includes: psych wards, paediatric units, treatment facilities
Not at Home: Living in group homes, foster homes and dealing with child services
Education: Dealing with school while struggling with the symptoms, and no diagnosis (younger years) Also dealing with peer pressure, making bad decisions at school, anxiety while at school, skipping, and how my life experience has affected my education and learning experiences.
Relationships: with my parents, boyfriends, friends, people who influenced me, people who hurt me, people who took advantage of me, people who helped me. i.e.) friends, parents, doctors, counsellors, abusers, lawyers, judges
Law: getting arrested, being in custody. I will also mention my court experience, as a victim.
Symptoms: Instances that I can recall when I was at my worst, some examples would include:
impulsiveness, psychosis, hallucinations, dealing with severe mood swings, violence, anxiety attacks, black-outs, suicide attempts, self harm etc.
Meds: medications that I have been on, dealing with being undiagnosed and being medicated (adverse effects from medications that should not be taken by a bi-polar), watching my parents lose battles with doctors, and other staff.
Mindless: the way I think about my past now, it's odd when you don't recognize the person in your past at all. I cannot relate to her, I cannot remember details about her, I do not understand why she did some of the things she did. (Well, that's a lie, I was sick.)
Drugs & Alcohol: overdosing, experimenting, spending money, doing WRONG things for money to support my habit.
Maryvale: the treatment centre that I spent 3 of my worst years in. Residential treatment for adolescents with mental-health problems. I will also be discussing experiences while residing in Maryvale. being AWOL from the program, stories about being 'on the run', and tales about my peers. Maryvale
Suicide: experiencing suicidal thoughts, and acting out these behaviours. I will also be discussing death, and losing people to suicide (which I have).
Parents: Yes, I mentioned my parents in the 'relationships' section. However, my parents are the two most important people in my life. They were then, and they are now.
NOW: How I have transformed, my current life situation and how I am dealing with things now.
My current boyfriend, my living situation, my relationships.
I have always loved to write, and what's not better to write about than something that you, and you alone know better than anybody else on this earth? YOURSELF !
I know what you're thinking....
'Oh jeez, another girl writing her life story'
BUT,
yes- that is a BIG but.
Anyways,
BUT this story is different.
This is a story of transformation. This is a story of a rebirth, I almost feel as if I have been reincarnated AND I was even blessed enough to skip the 'death' step.
YES ! YES, I have experienced a metamorphis, if you will.
NOW I know what you're thinking again,
'This girl is a Religious NUT"
No, No, No ...
Thinking that would be a complete dismissial of everything I have said.
This story is about a girl. That girl is me, and the story is mine.
Marissa, an 18 year old; diagnosed as bi-polar, has recently entered a new phase in her life, a healthier & more stabilzed way of living.
This blog will include many, very personal details. I will address the horrors that I have faced in the past 18 years, and the daily struggles I encounter when faced with discovering a brand new personality. As an extrovert in my past, I deal with becoming more of an introvert. I am also tackling the obstacles life confronts me with in a much more mature, wise & experienced manner.
An introduction for you, to explain the topics that I will discuss in the future.
Self-harm: Cutting, burning, etc. And the times I went too far.
Abuse: The tell-all memoirs; situations I have endured, and learned from
Hospitalizations: Includes: psych wards, paediatric units, treatment facilities
Not at Home: Living in group homes, foster homes and dealing with child services
Education: Dealing with school while struggling with the symptoms, and no diagnosis (younger years) Also dealing with peer pressure, making bad decisions at school, anxiety while at school, skipping, and how my life experience has affected my education and learning experiences.
Relationships: with my parents, boyfriends, friends, people who influenced me, people who hurt me, people who took advantage of me, people who helped me. i.e.) friends, parents, doctors, counsellors, abusers, lawyers, judges
Law: getting arrested, being in custody. I will also mention my court experience, as a victim.
Symptoms: Instances that I can recall when I was at my worst, some examples would include:
impulsiveness, psychosis, hallucinations, dealing with severe mood swings, violence, anxiety attacks, black-outs, suicide attempts, self harm etc.
Meds: medications that I have been on, dealing with being undiagnosed and being medicated (adverse effects from medications that should not be taken by a bi-polar), watching my parents lose battles with doctors, and other staff.
Mindless: the way I think about my past now, it's odd when you don't recognize the person in your past at all. I cannot relate to her, I cannot remember details about her, I do not understand why she did some of the things she did. (Well, that's a lie, I was sick.)
Drugs & Alcohol: overdosing, experimenting, spending money, doing WRONG things for money to support my habit.
Maryvale: the treatment centre that I spent 3 of my worst years in. Residential treatment for adolescents with mental-health problems. I will also be discussing experiences while residing in Maryvale. being AWOL from the program, stories about being 'on the run', and tales about my peers. Maryvale
Suicide: experiencing suicidal thoughts, and acting out these behaviours. I will also be discussing death, and losing people to suicide (which I have).
Parents: Yes, I mentioned my parents in the 'relationships' section. However, my parents are the two most important people in my life. They were then, and they are now.
NOW: How I have transformed, my current life situation and how I am dealing with things now.
My current boyfriend, my living situation, my relationships.
A Wallflower's Redemption ?
So, if you're still wondering why I titled my blog the way I did.....
Through my miraculous transformation, I have become a wallflower. An introvert, I love keeping to myself & I could live without people. And this part of my life, this part of my life is where I get to redeem myself. This part of my life, is my redemption.
I have rescued myself, from the old me. I have rescued myself from my diagnosis. I have been saved from the black-hole I once lived through. I have been granted the opportunity to start with a clean slate.
<3
Stay sane =)
Marissa.xo
wall⋅flow⋅er /ˈwɔlˌflaʊər/ [wawl-flou-er]
–noun
1. a person who, because of shyness, unpopularity, or lack of a partner, remains at the side at a party or dance.
2. any person, organization, etc., that remains on or has been forced to the sidelines of any activity
re⋅demp⋅tion /rɪˈdɛmpʃən/ [ri-demp-shuhn]
–noun
1. an act of redeeming or the state of being redeemed.
2. deliverance; rescue.
Through my miraculous transformation, I have become a wallflower. An introvert, I love keeping to myself & I could live without people. And this part of my life, this part of my life is where I get to redeem myself. This part of my life, is my redemption.
I have rescued myself, from the old me. I have rescued myself from my diagnosis. I have been saved from the black-hole I once lived through. I have been granted the opportunity to start with a clean slate.
And nothing, absoloutely nothing will stop me now.
Nothing will stop me from living life to the fullest, nothing will stop me from being
happy, nothing will stop me from being who I truly am.
My experiences have proven to me that, Life is Not what you make of it; but it is the wisdom gained through the obstacles you overcome.
Nothing will stop me from living life to the fullest, nothing will stop me from being
happy, nothing will stop me from being who I truly am.
My experiences have proven to me that, Life is Not what you make of it; but it is the wisdom gained through the obstacles you overcome.
<3
Stay sane =)
Marissa.xo
